Awakening Part 1

Did I mention that this 3-day siesta from 6mp was life changing, a borderline panacea? This one overlooked “mistake” was my awakening! The first day without taking the drug I felt different and strange, yet in a good way. I couldn’t identify what was happening but I liked it, it was abundant and cleansing if you will.

Day #2, I ventured outside and noticed color – glorious blue skies, the opulent shade of green grass and late Summer leaves, brown/grey hues of knobby tree trunks laden with wispy Spanish moss, the bright green and hot pink of my pink polka dot plant.

Amazed with my once hidden, then renewed colorful sight, I went inside and for the first time in too long, I noticed the colors of my inside world: bright shades of wall colors, and the soft, muted flowers of window treatments from my late Auntie Evelyn. There were under appreciated works of art, from whimsical paintings to nautical wooden and sea glass objects, my favorite Fall scarf of yellow, orange, pink, all in staggering ombre. I didn’t know how to react, where to begin or what to do. So, I cried.

I remember going from room to room, seeing the contents for perhaps the first time, appreciating the beauty of life within, from simple family pictures on my dresser to the calypso colors of a wall painting. I called a friend, trying to explain what was happening. I was seeing colors for the first time in a long time and I was appreciating the effort behind the displays.

I realized what an island I had become, inhabitable to only me, sustainable to few else; I felt nothing inside therefore had nothing to give. When life lines were tossed, I usually cut the line and kept the float. Most overtures of kindness were lost on me, not out of spite, but out of having no feeling, few emotions except numbness and not knowing how to react. Only my true friends and family toughed it out; they knew who I was before chemo and that is what they held onto when I gave them nothing else.

2 comments

Oh, how we take life without appreciation for the beauty around us. It had to be exciting to have experienced this new adventure that had left you for so long. May God continue to direct you with new experiences.

It was indeed and awakening, by divine intervention!

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