Desolation

 Alongside the normal pain associated with Colitis and Crohn’s Disease, my medications made my body physically ache a new and persistent, dull pain. The prednisone made my voice quiver and I was told that I might never regain my normal voice. This months’ long flare was wreaking havoc on my health; I lost my job. GI#3 prescribed antibiotics since the mesalamine stopped working. In retrospect, I should’ve moved onto the next GI, however I was still over the moon with having found one who didn’t second-guess me and wasn’t ready to let go. Unfortunately, he was no help during this period and insisted I finish the antibiotics, despite not being able to keep food in my system and more ill than before antibiotics.

The numerous bathroom trips were retching from Crohn’s and Colitis symptoms – immense cramps, immense pain, cold sweats, nausea (the kind where your mouth waters and you must continually swallow to keep it down). I held my breath as a point of focus to get me through the cyclical, torture like episodes.

That moment in time found me on the panhandle in the summer, and I was freezing. I phoned my pharmacist who said that unless I wanted to end up in the ER, I needed to stop the antibiotic. If they were going to work, they would have by then; finally, someone very familiar with medication side effects listened to me, and I listened to her.

Paul recommended Pedialyte since it helped his flares. There went my desperate dad at midnight, in a strange town, in search of Pedialyte for his adult daughter, and it helped. Despite having to sit on a donut to keep my bum pain a bit tolerable, I was able to not fear the open road as much and we pointed home. I fired GI #3 and made an appointment with GI #4. I did the math, the medication side effects were just as bad as the symptoms, and did not relieve the flares; these events cemented my sentence of being housebound. All I had worked so hard for meant nothing as I watched my independence, quality of life, friendships, dreams, and career path trickle away into oblivion.

1 comment

I can’t imagine how difficult this was for you.

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